Saturday, 31 January 2015
Me Now, Happy
I was never prone to soul-searching, feeling lost or unhappy with who I am. But I can say that I definitely like myself and my life now more than ever. It is not just being a mother, wife and home-owner - though each of those plays its part. It is almost as if each label I could put on myself is a Lego block and, now that they have been put together in a certain order, they make me. Not built according to the instruction leaflet but recognisable as a complete person.
I used to think, when Number 1 was a small baby, that I wanted to get back to being me. I loved being a mother, don't get me wrong. But I didn't like being seen only as a mother. Then Number 2 came along and I didn't have much time to think about who I was or wanted to be.
But gradually and largely unconsciously I evolved into another version of me. Yes, I am still a mother, a working mother, but I am also someone who loves their hobbies, spends time with friends and is involved in the community. I am better at my job than before I had children but it doesn't occupy me as much as it used to. I am more generous with my time but use it wisely and waste less. I am more forgiving and charitable. I laugh more. I cry more too. I've overcome a lot of my shyness and I'm learning to relax. I like it.