It is a day for making plans and lists. I have decided that just now. When things are going wrong, the best thing to do is try make them better.
For weeks now, life just hasn't been right. It is never going to be perfect, even through there are perfect days now and again. But lately it hasn't even been particularly good.
There are the small things, like the weather being miserable. Not proper Winter and not proper Spring. Snow falling but not sticking. The sun coming out but disappearing before we get our shoes on to go outside. I can't change that. No one can.
Then there are the bigger things. The worse than usual fights and arguments between the children. The struggles between us and the children. Not just the ordinary ones, like having to ask five times before they put their shoes on. I mean the struggles where you as a parent come across as the bad guy ALL the time and there seems to no logical explanation.
The sulking kids, the crying, whingeing, complaining and storming off. The door slamming. The "I hate you" s and "You don't even like me" s. The "I'm not eating that" and the "I won't do what you tell me. I am the boss of me".
It is tiring and draining and hurtful. I know they don't mean it to be. But it gets to you, you know?.
So today is a day for plans and lists. We're looking at what we need to change to be happy again. A list for each of us and a family list. I'm hoping that there will be some easy fixes and I know there will be some big things too.
Number One is getting older and more independent. He needs to feel he can choose things for himself and we have to find ways to let him do that. We are not prepared to push out the boundaries as far as he wants us too but hopefully we can compromise.
Number Two has grown so much so quickly that we easily forget he is only five. We expect too much of him and that has to change too. He still needs us a lot. He needs individual attention and more focus on him and what he wants.
Number Three is galloping towards little boyhood at an astounding rate. A Christmas he was still a baby. A walking, climbing, babbling baby, but a baby nonetheless. Now, turning 18 months old next week, he is most definitely a toddler, demanding attention, shouting out words and taking only one nap a day. We have to adapt to his changing needs also.
So, wallowing in self-pity is banned and positive, life-changing plans are getting made. Will they work? Who knows. Is it worth a try? Yes.