Multicultural Family Life - Meet An Imperfect Mum

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. 

For this month's installment of Multicultural Family Life I asked a fellow expat blogger to share with us how she, her Dutch husband and their children manage their multicultural family life.

Catie blogs at the Diary of An Imperfect Mum. It is a parenting and lifestyle blog with a twist. There she writes features about her family life, parenting, and craft ideas with some reviews, quotes and photography (one of her passions) thrown in. The twist in the blog is that she has a son with autism, so some posts cover issues relating to having a child with special needs. She describes her parenting adventure as taking the scenic route but with lessons that are very relevant to all families.

1.  To start with Catie, please tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now.

I am a 40 something expat mum, wife and teacher. I was born in Middlesbrough in the Northeast of England but since 2005 I have lived in Holland with my Dutch husband. 

We have two boys (born in July 2006, and February 2009). They are mad about computer games and animals and are bilingual. I work part-time in an international school teaching children English. 

2. What languages are your children exposed to and how do you juggle these? Do you have a family language you speak at home or does each parent have one language they stick to?

English and Dutch. We use the one parent one language (OPOL) approach but hubby and I speak English together. Despite working in an international school (English speaking), we choose for our children to attend Dutch school. We did that because we plan on staying here and because we wanted them to have friends in our small village.

3. What have you noticed about your children's language skills? Have they picked up on both languages equally well?

Before the boys started school their main language was English as they spent most time with me (papa worked in the UK from Monday until Friday). When they started school they began speaking more Dutch. The school reported a taal achterstand (language delay) based on their vocabulary assessments until around age 7. I do not like the term language delay and would strongly argue that the assessment they use is not relevant or fair to bilinguals.

At this point we decided that my husband would change jobs to one based in the Netherlands to ensure the boys had more Dutch input. Both children speak English and Dutch and switch easily between the two.

I would say that my oldest son is stronger in Dutch now but when I ask he says he has no preference. It is difficult to assess this as he is autistic so has some specific language problems relating to his autism. We were advised to bring our eldest son up as a monolingual because of his autism but we choose to ignore this advice and I am so glad we did!

He demonstrates the same language problems in both languages e.g. misunderstanding figurative language. But it didn’t stop him from learning either, in fact I would argue that having 2 languages has given him a larger frame of reference and therefore better understanding.

For the future: I am conscious that my boys are spending more time speaking Dutch now, with friends and at school and that is why hubby and I have chosen to continue speaking English together to give them more exposure at home. We also watch quite a lot of English television and read English books.

4. Do you or your other half have any of the stereotypical traits of your own nationality? Has this had any effect on your life in The Netherlands?

My husband is very laid back and easy going and I am the total opposite.

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in the UK rather than in The Netherlands?

We choose to live in the Netherlands because of the lifestyle here. Dutch children often come out top in the poll of the happiest children in the world*.

Everything here is orientated towards families. You see this most in the summer, as families finish work and all meet at the beach. If I could sum it up I would say the Dutch work to live they don’t live for work.

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your husband based on the mentality of your home countries? 

Yes, my husband is far more relaxed, children are given more freedom to play outside in the street, walk or cycle to school or to a friend's. My husband’s approach is to trust the children to do the right thing and will say to them; “Dare to say no!” I find it much harder to let my kids go.  

7. Are there any Dutch customs you've adopted in child-rearing or anything else? 

The biggest difference I have encountered in relation to child rearing was when my children were born. Firstly the Dutch do not readily give pain relief during labour. Secondly that when the baby is born you have a Kramzorg (anti-natal carer) who comes to your home for the first 8 days and supports you by helping you take care of the baby (including with breast feeding), cooking meals for you and your family and doing household duties like the washing and cleaning. It is amazing, I cried when mine left!

Secondly, initial schooling is different. Although children start the day after their 4^th birthday they do not have to attend officially until they are 5. The first 3 years of school are play based and formal education e.g. learning to read and write does not begin until Group 3 (Year 2 UK equivalent or age 7). This has suited both of my boys and it is amazing how quickly they learn when they begin group 3 as they are ready.

We are lucky that English is a high value language here and the children will have English lessons at school and when they are older they could have the opportunity to go to a bilingual school.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us Catie. I lived in Holland as a student and loved it, but I didn't realise quite how family-friendly the lifestyle there is. The Kramzorg service sounds incredible. It must be a wonderful support in the first week at home with a new baby. 
The Dutch school system sounds similar to the German one that my children are going through, although here it is separated into kindergarten and school, with school beginning at six years of age. I was doubtful at first, but you are right. It is incredible how quickly six and seven year old pick up reading and writing.
I am no expert on bilingual children, but I think you were right to raise both your sons bilingually. Well done for trusting your instinct and going ahead despite the professional advice.
Best of luck to you and your family on your adventures in parenting!

*Click here to read more about Dutch children being the happiest in the world

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Multicultural Family Life - Meet the Cuddle Fairy Family

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. 

For this month's installment of Multicultural Family Life I asked a blogging pal from the Irish Parenting Bloggers to share with us how she and her family survive their multicultural family life.

Becky is a parenting & lifestyle blogger at Cuddle Fairy (www.cuddlefairy.com). Her blog's motto is that there's positivity around every corner. Under the handle @cuddlefairy, she'd love to hear from you on social media! 

1.  Tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now.

I grew up in NY & lived there until I was 26. My husband is from Ireland and we decided to move to Ireland to build our house and start our family. We have lived in the West of Ireland for the past ten years. We have three kiddies. Our oldest son is 8, youngest son is 6 & our daughter is turning 3 in the new year. There are times when I'm homesick but I really love having my children grow up in Ireland. 

2. What languages are you children exposed to? Do you have a preference for American words over English words or vice versa?

Our children are bilingual - they speak Irish English & American English. ;) They are learning Irish in school. There are so many words that are different in American English & Irish English. I had to consciously change several words, which was very difficult at first but they are part of my vocabulary now. One word I had to change was pants to trousers. In the US, pants are trousers. Here, pants are your underpants. One day someone laughed at my son for saying pants & I felt so bad! Trousers was such a foreign word for me at first. Also, the pronunciation of certain words are very different. One example is garage. I say these words with an Irish-ish accent for the kids' sake. When I visit the US sometimes I forget my American words!!

3. How do you handle holidays and ensuring your children see their American relations regularly? 

Unfortunately, we don't make it over to the US that often. The airfare is quite expensive for a family of five. When we do travel over we stay for awhile & try to see everyone. My husband's family lives near us so the kids have plenty of family for the holidays. Also, some of my family flies over regularly to visit.

4. Do you or your other half have any of the stereotypical traits of your nationality? Has this had any effect on your life in Ireland?

Oooo interesting question! I remember when my husband's family would visit us in NY. We'd always go to the pub which was really strange to me. I had never gone into a pub with my family before. Pub culture is totally different in the US. You don't see kids or families hanging out together in bars - it's a totally different atmosphere. Living in Ireland, we often go out to eat at a pub & wouldn't think twice about bringing the kids. I'm sure I have some terrible American stereotypes that I don't realize lol

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in the US rather than Ireland?

I think our lives would be very different in the U.S. We were living in the NYC area before we moved. Housing is so expensive & we'd have to send our kids to private schools there. Unless we were earning huge money, we wouldn't have a big back yard like we have here. I think country living is great for kiddies. We could have moved to the country in the U.S. of course & had a similar house but we wouldn't live near either of our families. Having my husband's family near by is a big plus!

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your husband based on the mentality of your home countries? 

No, happily!! I can't think of one example so that's good.

7. Are there any Irish customs you've adopted in child-rearing or anything else?

People are much more laid back in Ireland than in the U.S. I've become more relaxed as an individual & as a mother. Although having more children makes a person more laid back too I think. I'm sure there are other things that I can't think of. I don't notice my changes until I'm back in the U.S. & they stand out to me then, like how I pronounce certain words. 

Thanks for sharing your experience with us Becky! It is clear that even though you are a native English speaker in an English-speaking country, language issues still pop up now and again.

It is great to hear that you have settled in well to life in Ireland and that it has given you the chance to raise your children in the countryside and near their relations.  

Fingers crossed the future will allow you the opportunity to bring your children over and back to the U.S. now and again so that you can share more of your home culture with them.


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Multicultural Family Life - Meet The Poop Rainbow Family

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. For this month's installment of Multicultural Family Life I asked a fellow blogger to share with us how she and her family survive their multicultural family life. 

The Mama from “My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows” survives, sweatily, in Bangkok Thailand with the Mummy, the Baby and the Dog. The Mama is a part-time amateur blogger, a part-time teacher and a full-time toilet humor enthusiast. She started writing “My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows” as a way to share the funny which happens to her family on a regular basis and give other exhausted parents a laugh or two. She trained for a year as an illustrator in kindergarten and decided to put these hard earned skills to use with her blog. She loves connecting with people from all walks of life, so be sure to stop by www.pooprainbows.com and say hi! You can also connect with the Mama on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook.

1. Tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now?

When I qualified as a teacher in 2009, rather than scrabble around with the other NQTs for a much sought after teaching position in Scotland, I looked further afield. I spent a year and a half in Spain, three months in North and Central America and then I kind of accidentally found myself in Thailand. The second weekend I was there my new friends and colleagues set off for the beach while I stayed in Bangkok to attend a LGBT party I’d been invited to. There I met my soon-to-be wife and the rest, as they say, is history. That was four years ago and I’m still here, now married (although not legally recognized in Thailand) with a 16 month old son.

2. What languages are your children exposed to and how do you juggle these? Do you have a family language you speak at home or does each parent have one language they stick to?

  When I arrived I learned how to direct a taxi in Thai. About a month later I learned a few sweet nothings to whisper in my girlfriend’s ear. I’m ashamed to admit my Thai hasn’t progressed much since then. My wife speaks great English so that’s the language we use together and she speaks to our son in Thai when I’m not around.

3. What have you noticed about your children's language skills? Have they picked up on both languages equally well?

  Our son understands simple instructions in English and Thai…but that’s not to say he always follows them. I worry that between our family language being English and our planned move to Europe this summer his Thai might suffer in the future, but I hope not.

4. Do you or your other half have any of the stereotypical traits of your nationality? Has this had any effect on your life in Thailand?

Oooh, lots! My wife believes feet and shoes are dirty and gets quite stressed if people forget to take their shoes off when entering our home. It took me ages to remember this when I first moved to Bangkok. She’s very quiet and finds it embarrassing when I am being loud, usually after a large glass of wine. It also drives her nuts when I refuse to complain about anything or go to the doctors unless I’m knocking at death’s door.

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in the UK rather than Thailand?

I imagine if we were in the UK my son’s favourite food wouldn’t be wonton noodles. He’d also probably own a jumper or two and some jeans. I’d take him to the park or for a walk in the woods instead of searching for air conditioned venues.

 I also wouldn’t lie awake at night worrying what would happen to our son if I died because my wife isn’t recognized as our son’s legal guardian in Thailand and she would most likely be denied a visa to raise him in the UK.

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your wife based on the mentality of your home countries? 

Thankfully my wife is quite open minded, which balances my stubbornness. She was willing to listen to my objections to some Thai customs. For example Thai people prefer to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs so they don’t get a flat head. We always had our boy on his back (and his head is a bit of an odd shape). My wife told me that for her it was normal for children to sleep in their parents’ bedroom until they were at least one.  Our boy moved into his own room when he was 6 months old so we could all get a little sleep. It also is a bit of a challenge for my wife not to be too overprotective. I give our boy a lot more independence and space to explore than she feels comfortable with.

7. Are there any Thai customs you've adopted in child-rearing or anything else?

I try a lot harder to control my temper, eat fewer potatoes and take more showers since moving here. I almost always forget to bring the pushchair as there are so few opportunities for us to use it. I am more used to eating with a fork and a spoon than with a fork and a knife.  I think with regards to child-rearing I am still very much the same, as all the research and reading I do comes from either the UK or the USA. 

Thanks for sharing your family's story with us, The Mama. It sounds like life worked out well for you by looking further afield for work as opposed to remaining in Scotland. 

It is great that your son can understand both Thai and English at sixteen months. It would be a shame to let the Thai slip once you move back to Europe. 

It is interesting to hear that your marriage is not recognised in Thailand and of your concerns should anything happen to you. I think all parents have worries of the "what if I die?" nature, but in your specific case there is the extra element uncertainty due to your family's legal status.

Best of luck with your multi-culti family and your relocation to Europe next year. Maybe we'll return to you in a year or so and see how life is going with another language in the mix!

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Multicultural Family Life - Meet the Walsh-Olesens

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. I managed to convince Amber Walsh Olesen to let us in on how her secrets to harmonious multicultural family life. 

Amber hails from Dublin and after living in the US, Portugal, Germany, Sweden and Denmark decided to make Connemara, County Galway her home. She lives there with her Danish husband and two young children. Great food, exploring new places, fresh air, and arts and crafts are what makes her tick.

1.  Tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now.

I grew up in Dublin and met my husband, the Dane, when we were both studying at the University of Porto, Portugal. I worked in Stockholm after I graduated and then re-located to Copenhagen, where we lived for six years. We took the plunge and moved to Ireland just as the economy was taking a nose dive. After nine months in Dublin we moved to Connemara, where we’ve been for seven years (feels like less). We now have a little boy aged four and a little girl aged 1.

2. What languages are your children exposed to and how do you juggle these? Do you have a family language you speak at home or does each parent have one language they stick to?
Our children are exposed to English and Danish constantly. It’s never been any other way. I speak English all the time (I only speak Danish when I’m with Danish friends or family), and the Dane only speaks Danish. It’s very consistent, but it must seem very odd to others to hear me speak English and be answered by the Dane in Danish. It works because I understand and speak Danish, but sometimes I do long for a bit of adult conversation in English!

3. What have you noticed about your children's language skills? Have they picked up on both languages equally well?
Our son spoke quite late, but as soon as he began to speak his language skills improved rapidly – it was like flicking a switch. He is completely fluent in Danish now and often talks to the Dane in Danish without thinking about it. I’m jealous of his accent – it’s so authentic! At first he used to sometimes mix up the two languages, but that phase didn’t last very long. Sometimes he uses a Danish word when speaking English if he doesn’t know the English word, or vice versa, but I think he’s quite conscious that he’s doing this. Our son has a real love of Danish and I think it’s because it’s just what he’s been used to hearing right from day one, plus the Dane reads to him a lot (we are seriously good at translating kids books on the go!) and he watches Danish DVDs, hears Danish radio etc.

4. Your husband is Danish. The Danish are often said to be among the happiest nationalities in the world. Have you noticed this? What is it that makes the Danish so happy? Has this any effect on your family life?
Can’t say I’ve noticed it, although I find the Danes fairly laid back and jovial, which means they tend to gel well with the Irish. I know the latest studies link Danish happiness to DNA...I know nothing about DNA(!), but I think a certain amount of their supposed happiness has to do with the relatively high quality of life in Denmark – you know that childcare is of a fairly high quality, you know you can get about the place efficiently on public transport, you know you’re going to be looked after if you’re sick, you know you’ll be taken care of in old age. This certainty simplifies the logistics of life and lets people focus on other things.

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in Denmark rather than Ireland?
We’d definitely be living in Copenhagen if we were in Denmark, so city life would be a big change to where we live now. In Denmark, there is more support for parents working outside the home. The availability of high-quality childcare would be considerably better and the Dane could have availed of paternity leave – something he would have loved to have done. They have something called ‘barnets foerste sygedag’, where one parent gets the first day off if their child is sick, so small things like that would make life easier. Part-time work is quite accepted and available in Ireland, but not so much in Denmark, so I might be working full-time if we were in Denmark (I currently choose to work four days a week).

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your husband based on the mentality of your home countries?
I couldn’t help chuckling when I saw this question! Differences over creating a fenced-in play area for our children aside, I think we’re actually very much on the same page. Having lectured in Denmark, I think Danish students come across as quite confident and are well able to get their points of view across. On the other hand, Irish children are much better versed in saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and so on. A good mixture of both would be great, which I suppose is what we’re aspiring to in our multicultural home!

Thanks for sharing your family's story with us, Amber. It sounds like life has worked out well for you, despite the economic downturn just as you made the decision to return to Ireland. 

It is wonderful that your son has such a good grasp of and affinity for Danish. That must be a joy for The Dane and his family when you visit them in Denmark. Fingers crossed your daughter will pick the language up just as easily.

It is interesting to hear that part-time work is not as common in Denmark. Both parents working full time and trying to spend enough time with the children too can be a real challenge. By the sounds of it there would be upsides and downsides for you if you were to relocate to Denmark.

Best of luck with your multicultural family life. May you continue to nurture the best of both nationalities!

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