Multicultural Family Life - Meet The Poop Rainbow Family

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. For this month's installment of Multicultural Family Life I asked a fellow blogger to share with us how she and her family survive their multicultural family life. 

The Mama from “My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows” survives, sweatily, in Bangkok Thailand with the Mummy, the Baby and the Dog. The Mama is a part-time amateur blogger, a part-time teacher and a full-time toilet humor enthusiast. She started writing “My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows” as a way to share the funny which happens to her family on a regular basis and give other exhausted parents a laugh or two. She trained for a year as an illustrator in kindergarten and decided to put these hard earned skills to use with her blog. She loves connecting with people from all walks of life, so be sure to stop by www.pooprainbows.com and say hi! You can also connect with the Mama on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook.

1. Tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now?

When I qualified as a teacher in 2009, rather than scrabble around with the other NQTs for a much sought after teaching position in Scotland, I looked further afield. I spent a year and a half in Spain, three months in North and Central America and then I kind of accidentally found myself in Thailand. The second weekend I was there my new friends and colleagues set off for the beach while I stayed in Bangkok to attend a LGBT party I’d been invited to. There I met my soon-to-be wife and the rest, as they say, is history. That was four years ago and I’m still here, now married (although not legally recognized in Thailand) with a 16 month old son.

2. What languages are your children exposed to and how do you juggle these? Do you have a family language you speak at home or does each parent have one language they stick to?

  When I arrived I learned how to direct a taxi in Thai. About a month later I learned a few sweet nothings to whisper in my girlfriend’s ear. I’m ashamed to admit my Thai hasn’t progressed much since then. My wife speaks great English so that’s the language we use together and she speaks to our son in Thai when I’m not around.

3. What have you noticed about your children's language skills? Have they picked up on both languages equally well?

  Our son understands simple instructions in English and Thai…but that’s not to say he always follows them. I worry that between our family language being English and our planned move to Europe this summer his Thai might suffer in the future, but I hope not.

4. Do you or your other half have any of the stereotypical traits of your nationality? Has this had any effect on your life in Thailand?

Oooh, lots! My wife believes feet and shoes are dirty and gets quite stressed if people forget to take their shoes off when entering our home. It took me ages to remember this when I first moved to Bangkok. She’s very quiet and finds it embarrassing when I am being loud, usually after a large glass of wine. It also drives her nuts when I refuse to complain about anything or go to the doctors unless I’m knocking at death’s door.

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in the UK rather than Thailand?

I imagine if we were in the UK my son’s favourite food wouldn’t be wonton noodles. He’d also probably own a jumper or two and some jeans. I’d take him to the park or for a walk in the woods instead of searching for air conditioned venues.

 I also wouldn’t lie awake at night worrying what would happen to our son if I died because my wife isn’t recognized as our son’s legal guardian in Thailand and she would most likely be denied a visa to raise him in the UK.

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your wife based on the mentality of your home countries? 

Thankfully my wife is quite open minded, which balances my stubbornness. She was willing to listen to my objections to some Thai customs. For example Thai people prefer to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs so they don’t get a flat head. We always had our boy on his back (and his head is a bit of an odd shape). My wife told me that for her it was normal for children to sleep in their parents’ bedroom until they were at least one.  Our boy moved into his own room when he was 6 months old so we could all get a little sleep. It also is a bit of a challenge for my wife not to be too overprotective. I give our boy a lot more independence and space to explore than she feels comfortable with.

7. Are there any Thai customs you've adopted in child-rearing or anything else?

I try a lot harder to control my temper, eat fewer potatoes and take more showers since moving here. I almost always forget to bring the pushchair as there are so few opportunities for us to use it. I am more used to eating with a fork and a spoon than with a fork and a knife.  I think with regards to child-rearing I am still very much the same, as all the research and reading I do comes from either the UK or the USA. 

Thanks for sharing your family's story with us, The Mama. It sounds like life worked out well for you by looking further afield for work as opposed to remaining in Scotland. 

It is great that your son can understand both Thai and English at sixteen months. It would be a shame to let the Thai slip once you move back to Europe. 

It is interesting to hear that your marriage is not recognised in Thailand and of your concerns should anything happen to you. I think all parents have worries of the "what if I die?" nature, but in your specific case there is the extra element uncertainty due to your family's legal status.

Best of luck with your multi-culti family and your relocation to Europe next year. Maybe we'll return to you in a year or so and see how life is going with another language in the mix!

[Are you interested in joining the series? Contact me on the contact form on the right. I'd love to hear from you.]

Multicultural Family Life - Meet the Walsh-Olesens

Because of the fact that we are a family made up of two nationalities, I am always interested to hear how other families in similar situations live their lives. And I thought you might be too. I managed to convince Amber Walsh Olesen to let us in on how her secrets to harmonious multicultural family life. 

Amber hails from Dublin and after living in the US, Portugal, Germany, Sweden and Denmark decided to make Connemara, County Galway her home. She lives there with her Danish husband and two young children. Great food, exploring new places, fresh air, and arts and crafts are what makes her tick.

1.  Tell us a little about your family's background - where you're from, where you've lived, where you are now.

I grew up in Dublin and met my husband, the Dane, when we were both studying at the University of Porto, Portugal. I worked in Stockholm after I graduated and then re-located to Copenhagen, where we lived for six years. We took the plunge and moved to Ireland just as the economy was taking a nose dive. After nine months in Dublin we moved to Connemara, where we’ve been for seven years (feels like less). We now have a little boy aged four and a little girl aged 1.

2. What languages are your children exposed to and how do you juggle these? Do you have a family language you speak at home or does each parent have one language they stick to?
Our children are exposed to English and Danish constantly. It’s never been any other way. I speak English all the time (I only speak Danish when I’m with Danish friends or family), and the Dane only speaks Danish. It’s very consistent, but it must seem very odd to others to hear me speak English and be answered by the Dane in Danish. It works because I understand and speak Danish, but sometimes I do long for a bit of adult conversation in English!

3. What have you noticed about your children's language skills? Have they picked up on both languages equally well?
Our son spoke quite late, but as soon as he began to speak his language skills improved rapidly – it was like flicking a switch. He is completely fluent in Danish now and often talks to the Dane in Danish without thinking about it. I’m jealous of his accent – it’s so authentic! At first he used to sometimes mix up the two languages, but that phase didn’t last very long. Sometimes he uses a Danish word when speaking English if he doesn’t know the English word, or vice versa, but I think he’s quite conscious that he’s doing this. Our son has a real love of Danish and I think it’s because it’s just what he’s been used to hearing right from day one, plus the Dane reads to him a lot (we are seriously good at translating kids books on the go!) and he watches Danish DVDs, hears Danish radio etc.

4. Your husband is Danish. The Danish are often said to be among the happiest nationalities in the world. Have you noticed this? What is it that makes the Danish so happy? Has this any effect on your family life?
Can’t say I’ve noticed it, although I find the Danes fairly laid back and jovial, which means they tend to gel well with the Irish. I know the latest studies link Danish happiness to DNA...I know nothing about DNA(!), but I think a certain amount of their supposed happiness has to do with the relatively high quality of life in Denmark – you know that childcare is of a fairly high quality, you know you can get about the place efficiently on public transport, you know you’re going to be looked after if you’re sick, you know you’ll be taken care of in old age. This certainty simplifies the logistics of life and lets people focus on other things.

5. How different, if at all, would your life be if you lived in Denmark rather than Ireland?
We’d definitely be living in Copenhagen if we were in Denmark, so city life would be a big change to where we live now. In Denmark, there is more support for parents working outside the home. The availability of high-quality childcare would be considerably better and the Dane could have availed of paternity leave – something he would have loved to have done. They have something called ‘barnets foerste sygedag’, where one parent gets the first day off if their child is sick, so small things like that would make life easier. Part-time work is quite accepted and available in Ireland, but not so much in Denmark, so I might be working full-time if we were in Denmark (I currently choose to work four days a week).

6. Have there been any child-rearing differences between you and your husband based on the mentality of your home countries?
I couldn’t help chuckling when I saw this question! Differences over creating a fenced-in play area for our children aside, I think we’re actually very much on the same page. Having lectured in Denmark, I think Danish students come across as quite confident and are well able to get their points of view across. On the other hand, Irish children are much better versed in saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and so on. A good mixture of both would be great, which I suppose is what we’re aspiring to in our multicultural home!

Thanks for sharing your family's story with us, Amber. It sounds like life has worked out well for you, despite the economic downturn just as you made the decision to return to Ireland. 

It is wonderful that your son has such a good grasp of and affinity for Danish. That must be a joy for The Dane and his family when you visit them in Denmark. Fingers crossed your daughter will pick the language up just as easily.

It is interesting to hear that part-time work is not as common in Denmark. Both parents working full time and trying to spend enough time with the children too can be a real challenge. By the sounds of it there would be upsides and downsides for you if you were to relocate to Denmark.

Best of luck with your multicultural family life. May you continue to nurture the best of both nationalities!

[Are you interested in joining the series? Contact me on the contact form on the right. I'd love to hear from you.]

5 Steps Towards Bilingual Children

"I wonder which languages Number Three will have Mammy?". Number 2 said this to me yesterday. "Deutsch, Brazilish [still obsessed with Brazil since the World Cup last year], English, Turkeys [I'm assuming he meant Turkish rather than gobbling like a turkey]. Maybe he'll speak like a Roman soldier! What do you think Mammy?"
It seems Number Two, 4 years old and bilingual in English and German, believes we are born with certain languages in us. An interesting notion. How funny the world would be if we all had a language or two in our genes. Imagine the excitement of waiting to hear your child's first words only to realise that they are in a language you don't understand. 

At the moment Number Three is nine months old and babbles away cheerfully or not so cheerfully, depending on his mood. While we have no idea what he is saying, he sounds like he's chatting with us at the dinnertable and there is no doubt that he complains if his food isn't getting to him fast enough! Hopefully he'll progress from "mam mam mam", "ga" and "abuwaba" to real words in the next few months. But it may take longer since he, too, is being raised bilingually. 

After seven years of bilingual family life, I think we've got this nailed. Here are the five things you need to know to raise children bilingually successfully.

1. Strict separation of languages: I only speak English with the children and my husband, The Bavarian, speaks German with them. It is easier for each of us to stick to our mother tongue and the boys have picked up both languages so easily, like little sponges soaking up water. Our pediatrician told us that if the languages are separated, i. e. if the child consistently hears one language from one person and another language from another person, they can distinguish them better. Think about it for a minute - a baby has no idea what language is. He hears words. How is he supposed to know which words belong to which language? However, if he hears one set of words (a language) from one person all the time and another set from another person all the time, he can distinguish and react to those people with the set of words he knows from them.

2. Repetition of the language: This is especially important if you live in a situation where the child doesn't hear one of the languages outside of the home. 
Hearing (passive repetition): CDs of songs in the language you want the children to pick up. This will give them a feel for the language in a fun way. Have the CDs on in the background while the children are playing. They will absorb the songs without realising.
Games and tasks (active repetition): From snap to tidying up the toys to setting the table, lots of games and household tasks provide the perfect opportunity to introduce and practice new words.
When Number One was a baby, we used to play the following game with him to encourage his English language skills. His favourite cuddly toy was Eyeore.
"Eyeore, where are you?" we'd call in a sing-song tone, looking round for the cuddly toy before getting ready for bed in the evening.
"Are you under the sofa?" (exaggerated looking under the sofa)
"No. He's not under the sofa."
"Eyeore, where are you?"
"Are you in the cot?" and so on, finishing with "Here he is! He was in the toybox." or wherever he happened to be.

3. Correcting without discouraging: It is important to correct mistakes in grammar, pronunciation and sentence structure. But it has to be done in a way that does not discourage the child from speaking. Be gentle. If for instance your child says "I goed upstairs", you can repeat the meaning of sentence but correct it as you repeat it, for example "You went upstairs? And then what did you do?". The child will realise you are listening to him and that he is making sense. He will feel encouraged to keep talking and should also pick up on the correction. You may find yourself repeatedly correcting the same mistakes, but eventually the child will begin to use the right words.

4. Reading and writing: Allow your child to get comforable with reading and writing in one language then introduce reading and writing in the second language. There is a huge difference between proficiency in speaking and in reading. You won't do your child any favours by trying to get him to read and write in different languages at once. Letting the child reach a level they are comfortable with in reading one language makes it easier for them to start reading in the second language. 

5. Don't let your pride get in the way: Whether you are an expat trying to teach your child your own first language or you are introducing a foreign language to your child at pre-school age, you can be faced with competitive parents. Don't give in to the pressure to compare skills or push your child to do better. Children learn at different rates. Some have an ear for languages, others are better at maths or sport. Let your child learn at their own rate. Be consistent and encouraging. Remember, praise works better than pressure.