The Toddler's Guide To Successful Toddlering

If you are reading this, you are probably between 10 and 36 months old and are doubting your potential to be a successful toddler. 

Let me guess? You see other toddlers throw themselves on the ground and behave as if the end of the world is nigh only to be scooped up moments later by a parent or minder and given the thing they want? You want that too but you haven't been able to achieve it? You parents are not driven entirely crazy by your behaviour but all your friends' parents are losing the plot?

Don't worry. You can do it too. By following these simple rules, you can reach your potential before it is too late. 

1. There is no phase: We've all heard the muttering between parents when their toddlers seem impossible to manage, "It is just a phase". Don't let them fool you. There is no phase. YOU are in charge. YOU have the power to decide whether or not you get what you want out of todderhood.

2. Learn from your mistakes: Your first attempt at a tantrum was scuppered by a know-it-all mother who fooled you into calming down? So what? Learn from your mistakes. Now that you know her tricks, you just have to repeat the performance and stick to your guns. She has been lulled into a false sense of security and believes the same tricks will work on you again. Oh no, think again lady! 

3. Repetition is key: Remember, tantrums are not your only weapon. Repetition of what parents consider unsuitable behaviour is a powerful tool. Climbing onto the kitchen table when no one is looking, emptying the cupboards of their contents, playing with the toilet brush - these are all examples of easy-to-perform activities which, if repeated often enough, will drive your parents to the levels of frustration you always hoped to achieve. 

4. Trust your instincts: Don't listen to the contant cries of "No" and "Don't do that!". Remember that you were born to be a toddler. It is a natural progression from babyhood. All that lying around in your pram wasn't a waste of time. It allowed you to gather information, to soak up the behaviour of the adults and children around you. It has allowed you to learn which buttons to push to get your way. Trust your instincts and go with what you feel. If you can get near a phone or tablet, disable it in some way. Your mind will guide you and let you know the exact combination of buttons to press to set it to a foreign language or turn the screen sideways. 

Following these guidelines will set you on the path to becoming the kind of toddler that other mothers gossip about. Goody two shoes pre-schoolers may even look to you for inspiration. But don't underestimate the amount of work involved. At first it may seem not to be worth it, but once you get a taste of getting your way, you won't regret having put in the effort. 

Creating a Play Area For A Toddler

Number Three is a full blown toddler now. There is no denying it. He has been walking for six months and he is getting more and more independent with playing. 

When we got back from our post-Christmas holiday in Ireland, I realised it was time to re-arrange our play area so that he could have his own space. 

Up till now, what would normally be the dining room end of our long, narrow livingroom has been the boys' playroom. The floor was always littered with Lego, Playmobil and toy cars. With Number Three wandering round looking for something to play with, we couldn't go on with this situation.

Refreshed after the 12 day break from home, I got stuck into the playroom re-organisation last week and I am so pleased with the results. One week in, I can tell you that it is much easier to manage and to keep tidy. 

Basically, what I have done is fence the older boys in (I'll elaborate in a moment) and set up a toddler-friendly area separate from the big boys' realm.  

We have a fantastic room-divider that is like a massive stair gate. It is one of the best things I have bought since having Number Three (you can see the edge of it on the far left of the photo above). I've used it to cordon off half of the play area. The bookshelf and all teh toys with small pieces have been put in there. Number One and Number Two can go in and out of it as they please by opening the toddler-proof gate. Number Three can't get in, unless the gate is left open.  

But back to the toddler area itself. Back in 2010 I picked up a gorgeous red vintage bench, chair and matching red and white table at a flea market for the bargain price of €30. It was money wel spent, I can tell you. Number One and Number Two got a lot of use out of it and it has very few marks to show for it. This set has become the basis of Number Three's section of the playroom. 

Both the table and the bench have storage space built in, which makes tidying up really easy. The drawer of the table is shallow but wide and is the perfect place to keep crayons, pencils, paper and colouringbooks. 

The seat of the bench lefts up to reveal a surprisingly deep toy box. At the moment we have all the soft toys in there as well as some books. The older pair have grown out of the Punch and Judy puppets but Number Three collapses into fits of laughter as soon as I do a little bit of improv for him. 

When I was expecting Number Two in the very hot summer of 2010, I hand-sewed the navy gingham cushion for the bench. The car cushion covers were present for the boys a few years ago. If I remeber rightly, they are from the German chain Butlers. 

Of course, no room is my house is complete withouta salvaged chair and this playroom is no exception. The metal chair with the woven red seat is one of three I salvaged from our local kindergarten. They would otherwise have been dumped. I love the, literally, old school look of them and the chipped paint. Luckily there is no rust on them and the pain doesn't flake off, so there is no danger to Number Three.

The walls were already decorated with a large map of Germany and our Little Linguists' alphabet chart. The new furniture arrangement is low enough as not to block them out. All three children can access them.

There are, of course, too many toys to accommodate them all within the bench. This red basket holds all the bulky cars, trucks and Lego Duplo pieces. It is made of rubber rather than hard plastic, so it won't crack or break as it takes abuse from a boisterous toddler. 

I bought it in Aldi a year or two ago, attracted by the cute cloud-cutout pattern. Since them it has had various roles around the house - first as a toybox for Number Two them a basket for throws and blankets beside the sofa. I think it fits into its new home here in the play area very nicely. 

Overall I am really pleased with how the new arrangement has worked out. So far Number Three has spent a lot of time pottering about, discovering his toys and climbing on his new-to-him furniture. 

The way I've set things up, I can keep an eye on him from my desk, the sofa or while I iron. He can't get to the big boy toys and is happy with what he does have access to. So, so far, we are on to a winner. 

7 Things I Had Forgotten About Life With A Toddler

I am beginning to realise that there are quite a few things that I had either forgotten or possibly just suppressed about life with a toddler.

 The way you can't fill or empty the dishwasher with a toddler in the same room.

The stench of the dirty nappies of a teething child.

The way this happens as soon as you turn your back for more than 30 seconds.

The way toddlers have normal sleeping positions in their own bed but reserve their special perpendicular-to-parent, crucifix and windmill positions for the parental bed.

The number of times the floor needs sweeping per day.

The way that putting shoes on the small, bendy foot of a small, wriggly child is damn near impossible, especially when under time pressure.

The way that even the smallest amount of water will soak them to the skin, leave the floor needing mopping and make you very glad it wasn't juice, milk or coffee that they got their hands on.