Invisible Parenting

There are things no one sees me do. They are not secret. They are not hidden. Small things. Unimportant-seeming things. They go unnoticed. That is, unnoticed until they are not done. I think of them as invisible parenting.

They are things like:

Keeping an eye on minor ailments (rashes, itches, tummy pains) and changes in behaviour (wetting pants, tiredness) to see whether they are something or nothing.

Shaking the sand out of the children's shoes after they've been playing in the kindergarten sand pit.

Keeping the swimming things together in one bag and keeping that bag in the same place, always.

Picking up stray shoes, clothes, toys, spoons, jigsaw pieces from various places around the house and putting them back where they belong.

Subconsciously doing an inventory of the contents of the fridge and presses so that I know if we have milk, ketchup, yogurts, fruit or other snacks before they get asked for.

Knowing the nappy and wipe stock levels at any time but especially on Saturdays since on Sundays all shops here are closed.

Planning breakfast and packed lunches in my mind before I go to bed.

Putting away clothes for the holidays weeks before we go.

Checking schoolbags for spilt drinks, melted sweets or notes from teachers.

Checking the school and kindergarten lost & found baskets for missing gloves, scarves, PE shorts and odd socks.

Writing appointments into the kitchen calendar and turning the page each month.

I'm sure I am not the only mother to perform acts of invisible parenting. Do you? 

The Mental Health Benefits of Doing Your Own Housework

To get a cleaning lady or not? How many of us have asked ourselves this question. Well I've decided against it and I'll tell you why. It has nothing to do with having a stranger in the house or having to clean before she comes and it is irrelevant that with the mess the children make it just isn't worth it. My not hiring a cleaner is my way of staying sane. 

My mother once said that people underestimate the mental health benefits of doing your own housework. At the time I wasn't sure what she meant, but over the years, as I've had my own children, bought a house and continue to work in a challenging job, I can see what she means.

In the world we live in nowadays you can buy everything you need - a childminder, a cleaner, get your car valeted, order meals in or eat out, bring your clothes to the cleaners and have your shirts ironed by a professional. 

This leaves us with time. But time does not equal happiness or satisfaction nor does it leave us mentally balanced. Working at a desk job, as so many of us do, we have nothing tangible to show for what we have spent the day doing. Our project may have made progress, our profit may have increased, but we can't see that or hold it in our hands. Without manual tasks we lack the satisfaction of physically seeing a job well done. A carpenter sees the bench he has crafted and can sit on it. A builder can walk into the house he has built. But a data entry officer, a project manager, an employee in HR, a bus driver or a waitress doesn't have that at the end of the day. 

But with cleaning, you can see immediate results. You do something and straight away you have enhanced the situation. You have created something that wasn't there earlier that day - a clean bathroom, a hoovered carpet, a washed window, a sparkling mirror. 

Next time you bleach the tea stains off the kitchen sink, descale the kettle, mop the floor or wipe babyfood off the high chair, take a moment to look at the result. Think of what it looked like moments before. Appreciate that you did this. You made this difference. It is unspectacular but tangible, an improvement and it is all down to you.

This Week I've Loved - Filming with Number Two

There are times in life when you ask yourself "Why did I do that? It was obviously a bad idea" and then it turns out it wasn't such a bad idea after all. Like me moving to Germany with no money and no job. But twelve years later I am still here, happily married and with three sons and a lovely house.

I had one of those bad idea moments this week, albeit on a much smaller scale. I had a notion to make a yeast bread video tutorial. When I couldn't get my phone to the right angle to film from, I asked Number Two (my almost 5 year old) to hold the phone steady for a few minutes. It started off well but then he decided to get creative and take a few photos of me. As he did so, he chatted and waved the phone about, leaving me a video in need of severe editing. But what I also got were some candid shots of me in the kitchen, just doing what I normally do while baking. Number Two enjoyed filming and photographing as he pleased while I had floury hands.

I loved this shared moment with Number Two, interrupting our usual routine of breakfast, chatting and getting ready for the day by adding a phone set to video mode into the mix.

I never got to re-film the start of the tutorial, but here is what i was able to salvage. If you are interested in the recipe, leave me a comment and I'll post it soon.

Sewing Machine Embroidery Projects - Handmade Cards

If you've ever tried sewing maching embroidery, you will know that it is fantastic fun, provides quick results, uses up the tiniest of fabric scraps and is one of the most satisfying crafts on the planet. 

Birdy Tea Cosy

Having had such a nice bit of feedback on my recent sew-your-own-card tutorial I thought I would share a few more of my sewing machine embroidery projects with you.

I have tried it out on tea cosies, t-shirts, aprons and cards and it has delivered great results. But so far, the cards have been my favourite. 

A thank you card my sister made and sent to me after I had shown her the basics

A Christening Card for a Little Girl

A housewarming card for friends

For me, the key to the cuteness of these pictures is the detail. Here is a close-up of smoke billowing out of the cottage chimney.

In this shot you can see how the creeper is created by using floral fabric and a leafy setting on the sewing machine.

Throughout this picture I used floral and leaf patternd fabric as much as possible.

Here is a close-up of the cottage window and door. They have been highlighted against the pale background of the house and window by using red thread.

I am certainly no expert on this, but if you want to give it a go and have any questions, just leave me a comment or use the contact form on my blog. I'm happy to share the knowledge I've gained through trial and error over the past three or four years.

Hello Cinderella (My Vlogging Premier)

I've been called many names in my life, from my two-year old cousin calling me Snu-la to an American customer mishearing me on the phone and calling me Cinderella. So it naturally occurred to me that many of you reading my blog may have absolutely no earthly idea how to pronounce my name. I can't really blame you. I'll admit it is not the most common of names, nor it is easy to remember how to spell. So I thought it might be nice to share with you the proper pronunciation.

Firstly though, here is a guide to what my name is not:
 - Vanilla (for years I kept the fax message from the UK sarting "Hi Vanilla")
 - Flonula (what my au pair family thought my name was due to a typo on my letter of application)
 - Viola (my work mate called me this for 2 years!)
 - Fiona
 - Xionnuala
 - Sionnuala
 - Fin-you-la (my son's best friend calls me this)
 - Fan-lu-na (ok, it was a child calling me this, but still)
 - Fee-nula 
 - Vee-nula (my father-in-law's attempt at correct pronunciation. It took a while to get past that).
 - Fee-oh-nu-a-la (the go-to pronunciation for most non-Irish people)

Fin-ooh-la (as in ooh la la, but without the last la!). Got it? Good.

P.S. I'm not so sure I'll be doing much of this vlogging craic. I haven't really got the flair for it, have I? (You can be honest).

How Previous Jobs Trained Me For Parenting

Recently I got to thinking about how much my role of mother is similar to jobs I've had in the past. Has my choice of work been a subconscious effort to train for parenthood? 

P.A. to a manager who wouldn't make his own coffee: within 6 weeks I had him trained to walk to the espresso machine outside his office door and press the button himself. Not unlike potty training in a way. 

P.A. to a machinery salesman: basically this consisted of doing things someone else wanted done. As any mother knows, this is what a lot of the job of mother boils down to. The children want dinner, so you make dinner. The children want to go to the playground, so you go to the playground, ...

Photographer of lorries: now this job has been especially helpful in my current role of mother to three boys. I know A LOT MORE than I ever though I would about lorries, especially bin lorries. In two languages, I might add. This was one of my more fun jobs and it impressed the kids no end when they heard that I used to earn my living by being around lorries all day.

Perfume sales assistant: this is where I developed a good nose for scents, a very handy skill to possess when you have babies in nappies. Not so much of the floral tones around here these days though. 

Credit card sales: a very short lived career for me but it did give me a good grounding in how to tell white lies. And when you have children, you tell quite a lot of fibs 

International health insurance claims officer: it was here that I learned how to tell when someone is lying to you. I fear that this is a skill I will need more and more as the boys grow older. 

Teaching English as a Foreign Language: given that I have ended up as a mammy to half-German children, this stint as a teacher has come in very handy in bringing up English-speaking children in Germany

International project manager - this is relly where the boundary lines blur. Without a doubt, my current paying job has been the most helpful of all in equipping me for motherhood. Making sure a huge job gets done and to the customer's satisfaction involves getting people to do things they don't necessarily want to do and within a certain time frame. White lies, juggling roles and prioritising activities are all part of motherhood and project manangement. But there are days when I am in a meeting giving orders and setting aims and I find myself thinking, this is just like trying to get the boys to clean their room.

This is Motherhood #3

Forgetting that you said you'd call to your neighbour on his 50th birthday, you end up having to rush to the supermarket shortly before closing time to buy a bottle of wine. Baby, of course, is not impressed with suddenly being flung into the car seat and decides to scream at the top of his lungs as you power walk through the aisles to find a decent bottle of Spanish wine (the neighbour's preferred country of origin - naturally, you want it to look like you put a lot of thought into this gift). Wine safely stowed in the trolly, you speed walk in the direction of the check-out before coming to an abrupt stop. Gordon's Gin is on special offer and hubby loves it. Add to trolly, proceed to check-out. Lift baby out to console him. Breath sigh of relief. Notice the smiles of the woman in front of you when she catches the baby's (teary) eye then notice how her gaze sinks to the contents of your trolley...two bottles of alcohol and nothing else. Turn on heel and power walk, steering trolley with one hand and carrying baby in the other, to the wine aisle and search desperately for wine bottle gift bags. Grab the nicest looking one (preferably with something like "A Gift For You" in large gold writing so it is clear to everyone that at least one of these bottles is not for your own consumption) and head back to the now even longer queues for the check out. Wait and wait and wait then pay and head home with your screaming baby. Get the older children to bed and ask hubby to call to the neighbour before it is too late. Hear the garden gate clink as he leaves. Hear the garden gate clink again a minute later. No-one home. Seems they forgot too that you said you'd call over. Sit down and open the gin.